Help Your Husband Out Of Depression

I'm so glad you wrote. I am sure you are worried for nothing. You married your husband in good faith, and took vows to stand by him in sickness and in health. This is your chance to prove it because depression is a type of illness. A person's mind sometimes can't handle present situations and parts of the brain need time to rest and make decisions about the problems that are affecting them. This a good place for guidance and understanding, being careful not to add to the pressure he is already experiencing. I wouldn't rush him to a doctor for depression medicine, though they sometimes help many times medicine can make things worse. When a family member, friend or even if I'm struggling through a bad time or feel down we go to General Nutrition for advice, like vitamin C, Ginseng, or B12. Sometimes a good 2 week body cleanse and a change of diet will perk a person up. I like a 3 day water or juice fast. Check his sleep. Is he getting enough deep sleep, are the hours regular. Massages before bed time can relax him changing the way he feels throughout the day. His whole life could change just because he's looking forward to the next massage. Sometimes just a short trip for a day or two will make all the difference in how a person feels. Anyway, aside from checking out the medical side of his depression, you must always take him at his word until he proves that his word is not valid. If he say's that depression affects him and you know he's home when he should be, then believe him. Don't ever let distrust become a barrier between the two of you. He married you because he loved you; of course he still loves you. The attraction is still there if you are still fixing yourself up "for him" and "fussing over him to please him". Most husbands feel that it's not so important about your shape, especially when you're pregnant, but how you present yourself. How you present yourself includes your appearance, level of humor and fun, your attitude toward him and life in general, and what you do for him; once more, what ever you did to catch him, still do it. A husband wants to be the center of his wife's life before pregnancy and even after the 3^rd child is born. It is biblical for each partner in a marriage to put God first and then each other before the kids. That way there is a strong union between husband and wife and the children will never be neglected or made to suffer.

Matthew 22:37-38 Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mind." This is the first and greatest commandment.

When there are changes in a relationship it is important not to do anything that could be considered nagging, repetitive questioning or excessive pushing to get him to do something for you. Treat that relationship change as though the person has a sickness; one that only you have the power to nurse them back to health. Your whole attitude is extremely important so smile; even if it hurts smile; and keep on smiling every day, through everything. Absolutely no more crying, God is going to help you but he can't give you ideas of what to do or lead you in doing them if you are crying or having a pity party. You won't hear Him, you're only response will be to the bad emotions you are creating. Turn every tear into thanksgiving to God for His help in turning things around. Thanksgiving is the key to getting God to move in any situation. You're the only one who can bring your husband out of this mood and still keep your marriage alive, so no more tears.

1Thessalonian 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

(Some people get this scripture confused. It says "in all circumstances" not "for all circumstances". We are to hate the works of the evil one and fight his powers of darkness and that's done by prayer and petition to God, with praise and thanksgiving for His strength to overcome.)

Philippians 4:4-7 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Depression definitely does affect a person's sexual drive along with many other areas of their live and the lives of those around them. Your husband's depression has already affected how you feel and act, so let's get rid of his depression, then you both can enjoy having this baby. Depression is just one of many tools Satan uses to attack and separate people, so let's attack Satan back.

James 4:7-8 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.

1. Your husband needs a friend, a confidant at this time more than he needs a lover, so you be that confidant. Talk to him about all the things "he" likes; talk, talk and then talk some more. If you're not interested in what he likes, such as sport, books, cars etc., become interested, just make sure it's not sinful so God will bless you both. Get knowledge on what he likes if you need to. Although, I am not a sports person at all, my husband is a deer hunter; so I cook it, eat it, and save picture and stories about hunting for him. We drive around and look for good hunting areas and I've even climbed a muddy hill, in my Sunday clothes, to see his favorite tree in the woods, just because I love him. If you give your husband enough sweet understanding time, along with unconditional love, it will lead to intimate expressions and a deeper healthy sexual relationship. Who knows, all this could have started over something as little as he didn't want to hurt the baby by having sex and he doesn't know what to replace it with. Having a baby so early in a marriage is hard for a man. He feels like he just became the cat that caught the canary and now there is competition. Most men don't get married to have babies; having a woman to call their own is what they really wanted, babies are the by-product, so continue to be that woman he married and make the baby the bonus.

2. Men don't under stand a lot of things about pregnancy and get very mixed emotions. Sometimes a wife's moods will affect his moods; sometimes he has sympathy pains because he knows she doesn't feel her best. Some men even get false contraction. Then if the wife doesn't understand his problems, it makes him feel even more insecure. His moods are never a true picture of what's going on inside him. Be sure to always talk in a way that he feels he is your partner in carrying this child. Keep your husband at the center of attention in any conversation where he is present; however keep tabs on his ego as not to get it too inflated. We don't want the wrong spirit to take him over, either. First you need to know that carrying his child is the most important thing you will ever do for him, and you should express it to him often. A man's seed growing inside his wife is the most intimate thing two people can share. A man's seed was so important to God that if a man died before he had a child his brother was to take his brother's widow for his wife and she was to bare his seed and have a child for her late husband.

Matthew 22:23-30 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. "Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. Finally, the woman died. Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?" Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.

3. When you talk to your husband about the baby let him know how pleased you are to be so close to him through this time and how much you need him. Confession, through the words you speak, is faith. When you produce faith words and actions it gives God the substance he needs to fulfill the answers to your prayers. Your words and thanksgiving to God will bring about what you need to its fullness through miracle power.

Matthew 9:20-22 Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed." Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.

This was a woman who was forbidden to be in public because of her uncleanness but went to see Jesus on the strength of her own confession. She was richly rewarded for her faith and received her miracle. So confess what you want with your mouth so God and everyone, including Satan will know what you're believing for; and never waiver.

This child is the greatest thing that your husband will ever produce in his lifetime. The Bible says that a child is a gift from God. Your husband needs to feel that. Also talk future with him. How the baby will look like him, his/her nature will probably be sweet like his, he/she will follow in your husband's footsteps, such as business, sports, school, whatever you can come up with. Is he a camera buff, stir up his interest in taking pictures. Get a baby book and plan it with him. Be inventive. Remember you are healing your husband's thought process because whatever he thought or still thinks is what took him down the wrong road to depression.

4. You didn't say if you were both Christians, but try to get him to church. If he won't go then you go alone setting the example; in the months to come he will follow. Never stop going, Don't preach to him when you get home, just a simple I missed you is enough. Don't let going to church hinder your duties at home, such as fixing dinner etc. Plan ahead and fix something on Saturday if need be. If you don't have a church, look in the yellow pages for a one. Call them and interview them as to what they believe about salvation, the baptism of the Holy Spirit, healing, miracles and anything else that you know is true from God's word. The church you attend can mean the difference between a broken life or a prosperous life, also where you spend eternity, heaven or hell. Once more, not all churches get all their information and doctrines from God's Word. My husband and I always look for a Church of God or an Assembly of God; we feel they teach the fullness of the Bible. You can also get great lessons from the websites listed at the end of this letter.

You should express to your husband that you want to have the baby dedicated soon after birth. The Bible teaches baby dedication, so that God's blessings and safety will be on that child all through his/her life.

As a baby Jesus was dedicated according to the law: Luke 2:25- Luke 2: 40

The Bible does not teach water baptism for children under the age of accountability, as so many churches do. Water baptism is reserved for people who have repented of their sins and received salvation. It is their outward expression to God, our Father that we buried our old sinful life and we are resurrected into a new life with Jesus Christ as our Lord. (1Peter 3: 18 - 22, Matthew 28: 16 - 20, Acts 2: 38 - 39)

5. You didn't say if your husband drank alcohol. Alcohol feeds depression and so does some kinds of music. Try playing Christian music very softly when he is not listening to something he likes; that way you can wean him off of what he is listening to. You can find Christian stations on radio and TV. If he does drink try to cut him back, but use knowledge and wisdom. Don't antagonize him. Make one drink a night more special than 10 beers. Pray for him continually that God will draw him into a closer walk with Jesus.

6. Are the two of you touching or holding hands? If your husband doesn't touch, hug, kiss or hold you begin touching him. Do whatever he will allow and progress slowly from there. Sometimes a candle lit dinner will help, men like romance in spite of what they may say. God created the nervous system to respond in miraculous ways through touch. Just a touch given in love can change a person's whole prospective for their whole day and if done often enough it can change their whole life. Even if he refuses, never stop trying! Set aside time just to be with him when you know he won't be busy, even if he doesn't respond at first, keep doing it and soon you will be snuggling and intimacy will return into your lives.

7. If you suspect your husband of fowl play in anyway big or small, some men have been known to go temporarily insane when their wife gets pregnant, it boils down to one equation: Hormones + Insecurity = Stupidity. Don't ask him anything, don't desire to know, NEVER think about it or suspect it again. Usually suspicions are far worse than the truth and it will only destroy you; just concentrate on the love issue between you and him. Stay focused on being the most exciting woman he's ever known. He'll get his head on straight soon and probably never experience depression again.

8. When the baby comes he/she will take a lot of time. Make sure your husband gets plenty of time handling the baby. They need to bond immediately. Caring for the needs his child is the best way for them to bond; it reinforces the father's responsibility through love. You can teach your husband to help you while the baby is new and exciting. I not only did this when our son was born, but I did it with each new appliance I got. I know that sounds strange, but it has made my Husband very capable if anything should happen to me. My husband knows how to do everything from shopping and cooking to laundry and ironing. He never let me do any of his mending once I got a sewing machine. Doing things together that were needed for daily life bonded us together. We still, 39 years later, do many daily things together and it make us feel deeper involved in each other's lives.

May you both be rich in God's love!

Here is a list of sites that might interest you.