Although I have heard most of what you have written before, there is a difference between your situation and others who write me. The difference is that your husband has made a conscience decision to be his own God, which is idolatry, by stating very firm and clear his intentions that you nor your God will interfere with his plans. When he rejects your ways he rejects God's way also.

Luke 10:16 "He who listens to you listens to me; he who rejects you rejects me; but he who rejects me rejects him who sent me."

Your husband has also proved that he means what he says because he has be acting it out for some time. You wrote that your husband said if you go to him nothing changes, he will do what he wants, how he wants and it won't change. I have to ask you a question. Would a loving God, who gave his Son to die for you, want you to re-enter into a covenant relationship with a man that is making it clear to everyone that he's happy in his sin; reveling in perversion and lust?

How could you be a witness for God's kingdom while living under such satanic bondage? This is a conscience decision your husband has made; he has decided to rebel to the fullest against righteousness. God gave him, as well as everyone, a free will to make choices about his own life. In the Book of Deuteronomy God sets down some very important laws concerning life, which is by thinking and doing right, so that when we reach a time when we are accountable for sin the Holy Spirit can easily lead us to salvation in Jesus Christ. Death, however, is living under the same curse that God has enforced on Satan since he was thrown out of heaven. When people choose to sin they are choosing the curse of death. There is no freedom in the curse that Satan is under. He is eager to push his curse, eternal hell, sickness, poverty, and any other form of lack you can think of into the lives of people. He does it by working hard to keep us from salvation and instilling thoughts that will eventually produce acts of unrighteousness and sin. That's why keeping the Word of God in our minds puts a wall of protection around us.

Deuteronomy 30:19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.

Your husband is choosing death by sin. When a person makes a conscience decision to choose death and continue in their sinful lifestyle, they are choosing Satan's bondage. Many people think they live somewhere in between the two spiritual worlds: good, which is God's realm and evil, which is Satan's realm. This is not true. Satan stole control of this world from Adam when he sinned. Therefore, we are born into a sinful world with a sinful nature. God's grace covers our sins as children when we should be taught life's foundation to choose right over wrong, but their comes a day when God looks at us and decides we are intelligent enough to be accountable. We live in that sinful state until we are born again into God's realm of power, mercy and love through repentance and making Jesus Lord over our lives. There is no place in the Bible where it says that mankind is ever on their own, an in-between place. God kept it simple, if we're not in His family through accepting His son then we're in Satan's bondage, under his influence and control. It doesn't matter what we've been taught by "well meaning" preachers, priests or teachers from any denomination the Bible is the highest authority and there is no purgatory after death. If a person could get into heaven without accepting Jesus as lord over their life, why would God have allowed His only Son to endure the agony of death and the pain of carrying all the sins of the world so we could be free? When a person dies they ether enter into God's heaven or into Hell.

Your husband's rebellious spirit ties the hands of God from using His miraculous power to change his heart and mind. God won't go against His own laws no matter what the reason or how much we ask. People's freedom of choice is one of His laws. He had it written down for us in His Word to learn and use properly. God is bound when it comes to repairing every marriage because He will not cross the boundaries of a person's ability to make free choice for the actions in their life. He'll never change the law of free choice; He gave it to Adam and Eve and it will go on in the life of each person until they die. When the body dies, the spirit and soul of a person live on forever, but the choice of doing right or wrong is over. All that's left is reward or punishment for the choices we made. God's own law demands that He defends a person's right to choose until they die, even when it breaks His heart because they choose sin and death.

Before we start with scriptures for your questions you must understand that I'm a true believer in God's ability to repair broken marriages. Most people believe God can and will do anything. He is limited by us and the way we live according to His rules and biblical knowledge, wisdom and the faith we use. He has given us many rules to follow in managing our marital relationships and when one partner doesn't follow those rules we end up in a situation that is impossible to live with. However, God has scripture to resolve every situation in life; scriptures that will clear our thinking and inspire us to do the right thing. I hope the following will give you insight and healing for your situation. I am praying for you and your whole family.

Your last statement is the one that concerns me the most. Let's reorganize your story so you can see a better picture of what's in your heart and what to do to get peace in your life.

• You say you pray to God and feel he tells you that the answer is not divorce. Why? Basically because you state, "I do not believe in divorce."

When a person puts a biblical belief into their heart they must do it with the understanding that it could have variables. Not variables to twist the scripture the way a person wants them to read to fit their life but variables to make our life fit into the scriptures. God's word is never wrong. If something isn't working out right, then we should go to the scriptures to see where we're missing what it takes to be in line with our biblical covenant to get the right results. We must always pray to be in tune with the Spirit of God's Word, not the letter, or legalistic idea of what it says, as the Scribes and Pharisees.

2 Corinthians 3:6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Ephesians 1:11-12 In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

Working at staying in tune with God, through praying for the Holy Spirit to give us revelation to the Word, accomplishes results the quickest way. God doesn't want us to continually suffer but to get into position for his answers and blessings. God's Word is alive; filled with power and truth. It works in different ways for each situation, yet God's motive in bringing deliverance is to help us learn and live a full and prosperous life that gives Him the glory.

• You wrote: "I feel so alone and most days I don't want to live and don't want to die." You must have forgotten these scriptures:

Proverbs 18:24b there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

1 Peter 5:8-10 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

• You say that things are getting pretty bad and you hurt all the time. Finally you confess that the situation you are in robs you of your time with the Lord and staying in his Word.

The very thing that you are being robbed of is what would bring you out of this situation. The Word gives us hope for a strong life. It renews our strength and satisfies our desires. All the knowledge and wisdom for living a good and prosperous life is in the Word. God fights our battles with us when we use the Word and He never looses. I'm praying that God will give you revelation and strength to do what's right, bringing an end to the suffering you have endured. As God's child you deserve so much better.

• You said you went to counseling again and divorce is the answer that everyone comes up with, including friends and family.

• This is the most important thing you have said, "If I am to have any peace and to be able to deal with life I feel I have no choice". Then you said, "God is working on me but I can't seem to get it.".

I disagree, I believe you are getting it but it's very slow at coming simply because you don't understand God's word on marriage and how to apply it to your life. God is working on you to make you strong, wise and victorious in this situation. He will give you understanding.

Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

This scripture is true for every aspect of our lives. This time it's happens to be something you'd rather not do, but you do have the answer when you said "If I to have any peace". Start listening to your own words to see what's in your heart. Judge your heart according to the scriptures. Find out what God has put there and what someone or something else has dropped in your heart.

1 Corinthians 11:31-32 But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.

A person who judges what's in his heart, with the purpose to correct all wrong thinking and doing, makes their discipline from the Lord much easier.

• You ask, "What is wrong with me?" I only see two things.

First, you have no fear of the past and all the darkness, distress and evil it has poured into your life even though you hate it. Sometimes in long term, bad situations our thinking becomes foggy. You should fear the past enough to stay away from it before it consumes you.

Luke 12:5 But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him.

Second, you fear the future that God has in store for you because it's unknown to you. This is only because you don't know the scriptures well enough. His promises aren't clear to you nor do you know how to get them to work in your life. It seems like young Christians can't get the Word into them fast enough to know how to handle their problems. I suggest listening to the Bible on CD as well as reading; it has a way of making the stories more alive, allowing you to apply them to your life for strength and wisdom. I found years ago that listening to cassettes (there weren't CDs then) supplied God's equipment for doing battle much faster. As I was obedient with all that I was learning I was amazed at the promises just being there when I needed them. Watching miracle power work in our own lives not only stabilizes our walk with God' but increases our desire for a closer relationship with Jesus who is our mediator. Other than these two things, I believe that you are a wonderful person in a bad situation, who wants to do exactly the right thing to please God. Therefore, He is very much interested in restoring you to a full, prosperous and happy life.

Now Let's Find Answers For Your Deliverance From God's Word. Prayer alone is not enough to receive answers for the questions in our life, especially when answers are found in the Word. We have to know what's in God's "Book of Instructions". When any uncomfortable situation arises we must run to the scriptures. Gather all of them that pertain to that situation and pray for understanding and wisdom of how to handle it. A good concordance will help you. Stopping problems before they escalate is much easier than trying after they have ruined so much of our lives.

Allowing your mind to stay on your husband and the circumstances he has put you in robs you of the truth needed for your deliverance. Instead discipline yourself to stay in God's word and receive power from on high. Jesus loves you so much and will give you the strength as you persevere to keep the circumstances out of your mind and His greatness centered in your thoughts. Going over the past never brings miraculous victory. I know this is a difficult task because we have so many emotions to control, but it's part of renewing our minds.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Disciplining our minds to think upon the things of God always diminishes the work of Satan. Jesus defeated him when He gave his life and was resurrected to a new eternal life. When we keep our mind on what Satan is doing it holds us captive. Freedom and deliverance is in the Word of God. Begin now to control what you think about. It's going to take lots of practice. Exchange the work that Satan is doing for the glory and righteousness of God. Righteousness is right thinking or acting according to God's standards. This is what the scriptures say about how to discipline your mind.

Philippians 4:4-9 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Breakthroughs Come Through Knowing The Word Of God

God is a "God of Breakthroughs" but we have to do our part. It is so important to stay immersed in His Holy Bible. In it He has lovingly written down and explains our covenant relationship with Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit and it's full of instructions; do this, don't do that, rewards and blessings for doing right and punishment for doing wrong. It tells us how to think and what to say in order to get result that will satisfy our needs and desires God's way. The Word shows us the greatness of God that we can receive for our lives and the lives of our loved ones. However, both parties to the contract must live up to their part for the promises to work. God is always ready and waiting to fulfill his part when we aline ourselves into position for receiving. If we don't know what's in our contract how can we get into position to receive God's best? Begin to look at your life as God sees it.

You paint such a bleak picture of your life. If this is how you view it then you have given this man entirely too much of your time, feelings and emotions. God is to come first in everything we think about as well as everything we do. We do that by using His Word mentally and verbally. This is what making Jesus lord over our lives means.

When we fill our minds with the things of God the enemy (Satan) can't push his curse of destruction upon us. When someone robs us of the "Fruit of the Spirit", love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23), they are robbing us of God's power that we need to grow in His miraculous kingdom. God expects us to use His faith, which is found in the Scriptures, to live a life filled with blessings and prosperity in every area of our lives, that's what Jesus died for. When someone takes that away we must come to our senses and realize that person is receiving too much of our attention and Satan is behind the scene enjoying our defeat and despair, he has stolen our hope.

Through despair a person's mind is open to the evils of Satan's work that plagues many Christians as well as sinners. Things like depression, worry, stress, sickness and the list goes on and on. He works continually trying to pull people down until he can totally destroy them, especially Christians, who have the ability to use the power of God against his works and to win people from his domain into God's kingdom .

God has a breakthrough for your situation and wants to deliver you from the torment your husband has inflicted upon you. God has blessings for you and is waiting for you to get into position to receive them by saturating your mind with His Word.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Think back to the time you repented and God gloriously saved you. You entered into a new righteous community, God's family that lives on earth. You were cleansed from your past sins to receive an eternal heaven; you were also saved from everything that Satan would come against you with, even the acts of unrighteousness that your husband has chosen to commit. Your husband chose not to fit into God's plan for you but you must not let that stop you from receiving God's best. Not everyone can be reached for the Lord. God will take care of your husband if there is any chance for his salvation and with a renewed mind saturated with the Word of God you will be strong and ready to help him should that time arrive.

What Does God's Word Say Legally And Morally About Divorce And Adultery?

First you must understand that God was in charge when rules and laws were first established in the governments on earth, even though there have been many ungodly laws added since their beginning. Therefore, we are to use our legal system to help us when it is morally right and our motives are in tune with God.

Romans 13:1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.

Many people don't believe they should ever get a divorce. It's true that God hates divorce but His motive is not to keep a Christian bound to someone who has deliberately chosen to continue in a life of sin. Our motives to divorce or not must line up with God's motives because we are to live in His righteousness.

God Speaks Of Divorce In A Marriage As A Parallel To Judah's Unfaithfulness - Malachi 2:10-16

Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another? (God intends all people to live by His rules since He is their creator) Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the Lord loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the Lord cut him off from the tents of Jacob, even though he brings offerings to the Lord Almighty.

God intends for us to keep our bodies as a sanctuary for the Holy Spirit to live in. He never wanted for his people to be intimately involved with those who will not give their heart to Him. When one of His children gives their heart to someone outside the faith then their devotion is divided and God receives a lesser portion of that person's love. However, when a married couple both love the Lord God's portion increases more than double because each person is fully devoted to the Lord first, which strengthen the marriage. Also as a team their witness is stronger which makes it easier to win outsiders to the Lord.

(Malachi continued) Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.

Just as when a person breaks faith with God, they cut off the blessings that flowed into their life; so God cuts off a person that breaks the faith of their marriage vow. It takes true repentance and turning their life over to growing in the Lord to start the blessings to flow again.

(Malachi continued) You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

The relationship we have with God is like one of a marriage covenant. Anything we set in our heart above Him is idolatry. He wants to be first in all that we do, it is our spiritual duty. In a marriage contract it's our earthly duty to put our spouse above all other people. They should be second in our life just below God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Children are next in line and how can they ever be neglected when they have two parents that have the Lord in their hearts? God commands us:

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

If we are to put this kind of importance on others how much greater importance should we place on our spouse? God hates divorce because it gives a married couple an option other than working out their differences. His word clearly states that His motive is so both parents would be present in a child's life, setting an example and teaching the child how to live godly and to be a witness to others. God desires people young and old who are fully equipped to reach others for the glory and honor of Jesus Christ. He expects those abilities to be strengthened and perfected by the Holy Spirit as they are passed down through generations. Divorce breaks that godly generational cycle causing people to miss out on the promised blessings of God, along with an eternity in heaven.

When we choose a spouse it should be with the same motive as God's, to live holy and to teach our children to live in His righteousness. However, most people marry for a variety of other reasons. Other reasons many times make it hard to stay together when the excitement wears off. When a spouse deliberately chooses to continually destroy God's intentions for his family, by committing adultery, then there is no valid reason to continue in that destructive relationship. That's why God says "I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment".

When a person goes so deep into sin as to commit adultery they are totally immersed (covered) in sin and violence because sexual sin in not only against God and another person but it it the only sin where a person sins against them-self. This degrades a person spirit, mind, soul and body.

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

It is a violent act against a spouse when adultery is committed. When a husband or wife breaks the marriage covenant, by adultery, they give away what belongs to their spouse. That causes the end of the marriage bond.

1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

What good would a child learn, that could ever please God, from a sinful adulterous father (or mother), who committed such a violent act against that child's other parent? If God's motive for being against divorce is in seeking godly offspring then to divorce an adulterous spouse is absolutely justified.

Matthew 5:31-32 "It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife (or husband), except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her (or him) to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman (or man) commits adultery.

It's a divorce where the grounds are not "adultery" that's inexcusable to God and unlawful in His eyes. He's against a spouse who sinks into sins because of selfishness by not keeping Jesus as Lord over their life. When a person puts them-self first that selfishness destroys the love toward their spouse. Selfishness of any kind causes friction in a marriage which can lead to an unwarranted divorce if it's not resolved. The only way to be morally free from a marriage vow is when a spouse has committed adultery.

How To Resolve Differences Other Than Adultery In A Marriage?

Since adultery is the only true reason for a divorce all other differences a couple may have must be worked out. Seeking God and growing in righteousness establishes God's love in a person's heart and is the quickest way to resolve differences, because God knows all the answers to our problems. Now, if a spouse (either wife or husband) has not committed adultery but is physically or mentally abusive to the other, they are not required to stay in that situation.

1Corinthians 7:10-14 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

This scripture for staying together has conditions.

1. There is no adultery involved because it is addressed to "the married" so the covenant is still binding.
2. There has to be a mutual desire to remain together. If the couple feel they must separate for a time, then neither one is to look for someone else. Each one is to seek God and reconcile their differences in order to come together again and grow in God's blessings.
3. Sexual activity outside of the marriage during this time is not acceptable in any way. It breaks the marriage contract and there is no longer any commitment to the spouse. Without commitment there isn't any marriage.

Throughout the Bible, God describes marriage as a covenant relationship, that means total commitment to the other person. A covenant of marriage is designed to be holy between a man and a woman and never broken but nurtured and growing stronger. It's foundation is respect and dignity which comes from true love, not the lust we see today. Just as in the beginning with Adam and Eve, God wants to be the head of every marriage so it will grow in strength until death is the only thing that can separates the two of them. God's kind of love conditions the heart of each person to put the needs and desires of the other one ahead of themselves. It's a wonderful thing to have a marriage where both parties are filled with God's love. That's why it's important for each of us to live in his perfect will.

Although God never intended for any marriage to end, even under "The Law" He allowed the Israelites to divorce. The Bible says that Moses was the most humble man on the face of the earth (Numbers 12:3). God spoke directly to him and was the divine leadership over Moses' ministry. God could have rejected the idea of divorce among the Israelites, yet He permitted Moses to allow divorce for many different reasons.

Matthew 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

Down through the centuries, in His great love for His people, God has made provisions to lift us out of situations that cause despair. He doesn't want us to be hopeless, but to have hope and faith in him. Since we now live under The New Testament of grace and love, the Holy Spirit is available to teach, and strengthen us. He knows everything, He searches every heart, so with His guidance, everyone has the power to work out their marriages when there is no adultery. Confessing the truths and promises that we learn for our situation allows us to see through the eyes of faith the end result as God would have it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted (or tried), he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

God wants to refresh us by lifting the burdens we carry whether they are plotted by Satan to destroy us or simply because we made wrong decisions. Salvation from sin is the most miraculous provision. Many other provisions have their roots based in the scriptures such as: legal pardons (Isaiah 55:7), bankruptcy (Deuteronomy 15:1-2). Getting divorced from a spouse, who lives an adulterous life, is a "new beginning" that God has provided for broken hearted men and women so they can focus on His Word and the desires He has for their life. Many of the avenues we are legally and morally allowed to take to renew our lives is not something we like or would choose if there was another way. However, God expects us to humble ourselves, learn what's right from his word and use the ways he has provided for us so we can get back on track and become strong in his way of living. Breaking the bondage that has snared us allows His blessings to flow again into every area of our lives. Divorce is nothing more than the legal means to end a relationship that a spouse has already ended by committing adultery. A person under The Law (The Old Testament) did not receive a divorce when they committed adultery instead both parties were punished by death.

Leviticus 20:10 " 'If a man commits adultery with another man's wife, with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

Now we are people who live under love and grace, (The New Testament) we don't put people to death for their sins. Instead God has sent his Holy Spirit to draw us out of sin and into the arms of His son, Jesus.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Intimate relations are reserved for a husband and wife. When that same relationship occurs with someone else it severs the marriage vows. A person can only become "one flesh" with one person at a time. If the person with whom they are uniting in sexual relations is not their marriage partner then that union of "one flesh" is unholy and detestable to God.

1Corinthians 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."

Should We Forgive An Adulterer And Renew Our Marriage Contract?

Although, it's right for the husband or wife to forgive the transgressor when the marriage bond is broken (because forgiveness cleanses the heart of the injured party) they have free choice in whether they want to re-enter into the marital commitment again. It's the sexual activity that causes a couple to become one flesh again in the eyes of God.

God is neutral in the decision of whether a person should enter again into the marital relationship because He set the law of divorce for unfaithfulness into action in his word. Every injured spouse has a choice, they can remain in the relationship or get a divorce and start life fresh, even to the point of God choosing them a new mate who will be faithful the rest of their life.

Although people can learn from their mistakes and second chances are great, there is no place in God's word where it says that any person is required to continue being used by an adulterous spouse who deliberately treats one of God's precious children with such insult and disrespect.

What Happens When A Spouse Leaves Home?

1Corinthians 7:15-16 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

• You say that your husband of 18 years said he no longer wants to be married and he is dragging his feet about having you with him.

Your husband has left you in his heart and mind a long time ago. He doesn't even have enough decency to make it clear and leave you alone. You say he sends you job listings. Why would you want to work and help support his depravity when he should be supporting you? Why would you want to cook for, clean-up after and do the laundry of a man who has been laying around in some other woman's bed? It's time to open your eyes and see this situation as God sees it.

If a spouse leaves, let them alone, they are out of the will of God for your life. Forgive them just as Jesus forgave those who hung him on the cross. Be at peace with them. Think of them in prayer that God will have mercy to lead them to salvation. Then forget the past and get on with your life. Start new and fresh, clear the past of wrong words, feelings and thoughts with repentance. It's good that you live in a different state. Your fresh start won't be interrupted as the Holy Spirit guides you. He will have the freedom to move in close to comfort you while you heal.

Next, draw close to the Lord daily for strength through praise, worship, reading or listening to the Bible and attending a church that knows how to handle your situation with the word of God. You're never alone when you have Jesus in your heart. Find something to be thankful for. When you give thanks in your heart for the good God has done in your life it activates the ability to feel close to Jesus. He is there to comfort you. Thanksgiving produces the blessings of God to flow again to lift you up out of your difficult situation. The Amplified Bible says it best.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].

Something For You To Think About.

There are many scriptures in the New Testament about how a husband and wife are to live. For example:

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

How could any Christian ever submit, as they would to the Lord, to a person who continually commits adultery? It's absolutely impossible! An adulterous spouse has no true marital relationship. They're living a life of sin and lust under the deceit of Satan's twisted version of Love. An adulterer has no dignity, self-respect, honor or moral values. Satan has striped them of every valuable attribute they have ever had. They rapidly degenerate into perversion and depravity. The trust they once held by others is no longer in their character. Lust produces a heart of uncaring and tears them away from those who loves them the most. An adulterer's feelings and emotions become harsh and callous. So how could any Christian submit or even relate to an adulterer unless they wanted deliverance.

Demonic Influence Is Everywhere.

Satan uses the same tricks over and over again to dominate people all over the world. He has a system of thoughts he puts in peoples minds and without the Word of God people believe those thoughts are worth continuing. Satan knows just how to manipulate people to say the most devastating words at just the right time to do the most damage to the marriage. I get so many letters from people everywhere and it sounds like the same person wrote all of them. Satan has many patterns all worked out that he can mix and match to choose what's best to "divide and conquer" in breaking up a marriage.

These are just a few of the popular phrases, notice there is no depth or legitimate foundation for their statements:

• I never loved you, I married you because....
• I don't love you anymore because I need other women or men.
• Even when a spouse asks, "What did I do wrong?" They answer, "Nothing it's just me, I need space."
• I have to move out because I need time to find out who I am.
• I've even heard, "I wasn't ready to settle down when we got married, so I'm leaving." One woman even gave her child away and jumped quickly into another relationship.

When these very same word comes out of so many different people from different locations around the world, they are being coached by demonic influences. These people all think they are finding freedom. That their on their own looking for something better, something to satisfy their desires, but Satan's in control and has a hook in their nose. He has pulled them into bondage. They're just too blind to see it. Sorry for my bluntness, but I hate what Satan does to people that God created for His glory and honor. People are the most valuable thing on the whole earth.

What Is The Future For An Adulterous Spouse?

When a person loves another person enough to marry them it should be evident that clinging to that person, to work out their problems, would produce the best answers. God's law for prosperity in a marriage will work for anyone, Christian as well as non-Christians when they put importance on holding tight to the marriage contract. God adds to their love and a happy long life together is many times the result.

But when a person makes a decision of such magnitude as leaving their spouse for selfish reasons, as above, they open the door to receive more demonic influence, and Satan takes them deeper into the life of sin they have chosen. It's a never ending path of destruction.

Proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.

An adulterous spouse not only destroys them-self but every sexual sinful encounter has the potential to destroy many others.

Proverbs 6:29 So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Sexual sin is one of Satan's major way of positioning a person in line for God's wrath. First they loose all the blessings that God has for them here on earth and then they miss all the wonderful things they would have received in their eternal life. Every person in Hell is a firm believer in Jesus and the salvation that God provided. What a fearful thing it must be to know their ability to make choices is over.

Romans 2:5-6 But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God "will give to each person according to what he has done.

Revelation 2:23b I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.

What a price people pay for their sins. They have no one to blame but them-self. They have deliberately chosen sin and no Christian should be anywhere near a person who has chosen that path.

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

A spirit of lust controls the mind of a person continually. When a person chooses to allow evil to rule in their life, God will not interfere with their choice. That's what happened when He flooded the earth and destroyed everyone except Noah and his family.

Genesis 6:5 The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.

What Is Lust?

Christians aren't to be just another object of lust to fulfill someone's perversion, even if they're married to them. Lust is sinful, it's not love. When a person's ability to love is based on emotions instead of God's Word it's easy for Satan to twist that love into lust. He will twist until there isn't an ounce of decent love left. There is no love in lust because a mind full of lust has no room for purity of any kind. That's why a cheating spouse can walk away from children, homes that they worked so hard for and anything else that may get in their way. Love is a commitment to someone. Lust has no commitment, because there is no love.

Anyone re-uniting with an adulterer needs to take a realistic inventory of them before deciding to live with them again. In what other ways has Satan captured them? When you measure what's in a person's life, thoughts, habits, desires, motives etc., with God's standards you are able to evaluate how much of that person's life is controlled by evil influences. Many people in this last hour have reached the decision to do exactly what they want. Lustful desires take priority over everything in a person's life so it's natural that no one else's needs or desires count. They are a God unto them-self, which is the same lie Satan captured Eve with.

Genesis 3:5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

Try looking at the whole picture of your marriage and evaluate it without the emotions of hurt, anger or confusion etc. It's time to be very clear minded. Unless the adulterer is repentant enough to seek God, and learn His ways, Satan will be right there to tempt them over and over again. Each time it will get easier for them because their conscience is ignored, until they no longer hear it. Satan may use the same person again to tempt them or someone new, but you can be sure he will try. No Christian should ever put themselves under the authority of anyone who submits themselves totally to Satan's works of any kind, especially a spouse who is a continual adulterer.

Adultery, even just one time, breaks, severs, disconnects etc., the marriage contract in the eyes of God! If it didn't He would not have written it in His Bible. Now if this is true, then how much more detestable is a person who decides in his heart to continue to commit adultery; and even more detestable, he makes it clear to his wife that he's going to. That statement alone says that in his heart he puts absolutely no value on his wife.

How Should A Wife Or Husband Respond To An Adulterous Spouse?

Any person who desires to re-enter into a marriage contract, where the adulterous spouse has decided to continue in their adultery, is going against God's word.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

God is extremely strong about how we conduct our lives since we are His temple. No Christian is ever to subject themselves to the abuse of an adulterer!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

Every-time your husband has sex with someone else and then has sex with you he degrades your body. You are putting yourself into a position, against God's will. When you put yourself into a situation as this you're not under God's protection anymore. You could easily get diseases that could kill you. Satan then would have the pleasure of watching you, a true child of God, suffer and die. You would be cutting off the long prosperous life that God promises. Many people have died before their time because of wrong decisions.

You have a lot of serious question to answer before you make a decision to go again with this man. In your husband's environment how would you ever keep your faith in God, or grow deeper?

It's not uncommon for Satan to start an injured spouse to think about death. He is the author of death, God is life and light. Death is a thought Satan puts into the mind of a person and pushes until it's accomplished. What kind of strength would you have to turn this situation around? You aren't able to now and he's living in another state. It's a dangerous thing to expose your heart and mind to that kind of demon power. There isn't a person in Hell that committed suicide that doesn't know the truth now, and would like another chance.

You didn't mention if you have children. If you do what would it do to them?

What will you say to God when he holds you accountable for their souls if they don't make heaven? It's better to produce righteous children for God by one parent than it is by two when one is an adulterer. Those lustful demons in the home will influence the children.

People who have a desire to partner with someone who encourages demonic activity in their life will eventually be overcome. Because your husband said, "He doesn't want to be married anymore" when you choose to return to that relationship you are willfully choosing to live in a sinful environment and you won't have enough of God to resist the influence of the demonic spirits that bind him. Choosing to live with him is choosing to live with demons. They will live in your home continually and you will never be able to get them out because your husband invites them into his soul and you invited your husband back into your life. When a person sleeps with a spouse that delights in adultery they are partaking in their sexual immorality.

Ephesians 5:3-7 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person, such a man is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

Now How You Are To Think And Feel From Now On According To The Bible?

You are God's special child, nothing sinful your husband did is your fault. Never allow guilt of any kind to enter your mind. Satan tries that in every divorce. He's the guilty one, he used your spouse, and you are the innocent party. It doesn't matter about what you may have done or said, no wife or husband causes their spouse to commit adultery. Their sin is their own responsibility.

James 1:13-15 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

You are free in Christ.

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

Ephesians 5:8-17 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

You should be thinking of life. God's word says the obedient can live to be 120 years old (Genesis 6:3). Even the disobedient are allotted 70 or 80 years (Psalm 90:7-10).

God's greatest desire is for you to grow in his love to be happy and prosperous in every area of life.

3John 1:2 Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.

Make sure that your soul prospers daily through loving others with the love of God, reading, praying and going to church. Make Jesus your main partner in life. If He wants you to remarry He'll arrange for you to meet the right person, one that loves Him as much as you do.

You write that you can't afford your home by yourself where you live, and you have no family there; also that all your friends are mad because you haven't left you husband. Your family and friends should not be angry but doing their best to help you, by researching Biblical truth, legal information and helping you to be strong minded yet tender hearted in the right places. If friends won't help you in a time of need then they're not really your friends. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart so draw on his strength, learn to seek out people who believe His ways. (You may want to reed: How To Find The Right Church There is a lot in there about finding the right people to teach you.

If you make the decision to divorce and to start a new life then get a good lawyer. One that will fight for all your rights and make your husband pay the bills. Sometimes people want a quick divorce and end up loosing what legally belongs to them. You should not suffer financially, socially or materially because of his sin. You should have no sympathy for your husband's financial place in life, after all he has been spending your money on other women for years and still expects to do so. If you have children see to it that support is paid. There should be a way that you will not have to move unless you want to. Check the laws and use them to the fullest. Your husband has never been sympathetic to the law when it came to your marriage contract. Praying for him with God's love to be delivered and saved is your duty as a Christian, but yielding to his ability to keep you financially or emotionally bound is something else. Never loose sight that he is the one that has put himself in this place, not you. If you desire to move then it would be good to be close to someone in your family that you feel has the most strength and love to help you rebuild your life. Someone who can help you heal from the past. God will make a way for you and give you great strength.

It's a very sad condition your husband is in and even if he wanted to change, with all the destruction he has inflicted into your life, you're not equipped to help him at this time. A loving person can help someone who wants to change, but your husband says he doesn't want to. He has allowed Satan to control his mind, his heart of desires and has given demons control of his choices. He has given himself over to Satan spirit, soul and body. When a person goes that far there's not much left for anyone to work with. They are driven by demonic power and can't stop doing what they do. (Read: Struggling With Sin - Romans 7: 14-25 )

Here Are Some Places To Read That Will Strengthen You

David's Deliverance Is For Us Today - Psalm 18 God's Promises Covers Us - Psalm 91 God's Anointing On TV And The Internet What Is Faith? Love That Builds Great Relationships

To our readers:

If you or someone you know has gone through a divorce and were un-saved at the time, experiencing guilt or shame along with other problems concerning the marriage is normal. God heals people from all kinds of hurt. He has answers for every problem. So please go to our Salvation Prayer Page and ask Jesus for help. He is waiting with freedom and compassion, ready to help you to start a fresh new life in Him. My prayer for you is:

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." (Numbers 6: 24-26)

If you have read this and are uncertain about lustful spirits you can read my article: Lust, What Does God Say About It? God never wants any of his children to be unaware of Satan's works, but to expose them. (Ephesians 5:11) You can't expose something you don't know. Knowing your enemy is an important strategy for winning all spiritual battles.