A lack of God's knowledge has opened the door for disaster in your life; so now let's try to fix it. God has answers for everything and he is most interested in repairing families and making them strong. First of all, if you have not repented of your sins and given your heart to the Lord Jesus, please do so, He loves you. For help please see our Salvation Prayer page.

Now God's power and his Word (The Holy Bible) will be totally available for your use. Salvation gives you the authority to use every scripture against the evil that is robbing you and your family of joy and happiness. Being cleansed through the blood of Jesus places you in God's family, which in turn places you a position of authority to take control over every issue that arises, and allows you to use the same power that Jesus used. That way you can meet head on the continuous problem of your husband having one affair after another and he will be delivered, never to desire anyone but you. Through God's power this problem will be resolved forever, never to cause hurt and pain for you or your children again. If you're not saved, or you're not sure if you are, go to our Salvation Prayer page and pray. It's really that simple.

Let's deal with these two statements you made first: "I've talked to him (your husband) and asked him to separate. And He does not want to even talk about divorce." Why should he? He has used you for 10 years. You've cooked his meals, cleaned his house, looked after his children and washed his dirty underwear, all while he has had a great time doing anything he feels like doing. He's comfortable. That is a mind set of a spoiled 3 year old. Next you say "he denies he has a problem; he has not even admitted or taken responsibility for his actions." Of course not, this is his lifestyle. To admit he has a problem or take responsibility would be an admission that he needs to change and should stop what he's doing. What fun would that be for him? He likes the freedom to do anything he wants and to have you pick up the broken pieces when his affair is over. This is more of the same selfish 3-year-old mind set. It's hard to look at the body of a grown adult and realize that they are an infant in some areas of their mind or personality. A lack of God in his life has caused a lack of maturity in certain areas of his life, and the lack of Godly maturity allows him to do wrong, which is sin. When a person routinely does wrong, it's considered folly. I am giving you some scriptures to help you understand the root of his actions.

Proverbs 15:21 Folly delights a man who lacks judgment, but a man of understanding keeps a straight course.

Proverbs 19:3 A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord. (The Amplified Bible says it this way: "The foolishness of man subverts his way [ruins his affairs]; then his heart is resentful and frets against the Lord." )

Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

With a child you can teach them or punish them and they will learn not to continue in what they are doing, but with an adult you have to use other methods of correction (which you will learn later). Even if they are already mature in other areas of their lives, such as in their jobs or the way they spend their money, you must help them to mature in the areas they need. Study their actions to see where they need to grow and pray that God gives you the wisdom to help them. God sees their deepest need when you can't and he can go to the root of the problem. He will have answers for you, which will save you time and effort. Think of your husband with the same compassion as you would a child that is deprived of maturing. He needs your help and he really doesn't know it. Sometimes people don't want your help, but you have to live with him and he will always be your children's example of a father, so you must do your best to help him anyway.

When a man wants to live with his wife and still wants to have other women on the side, none of those women are an object of love for him. It's a lie from Satan when a person believes they can intimately love two people at the same time. God defines intimate love as being only between a man and his wife. God makes the rules and any intimate sexual attraction outside of a marriage is lust. Therefore, they are objects of lust. The lustful relationship fulfills a desire for excitement in him, which soon fades away. Lust is Satan's distorted version of love. He twists and distorts many of God's creations, such as love, music, beauty; he specializes in deceiving people into believing his counterfeits are the real thing to gain power over them.

The actions of your husband appear to be lustful. Understand, lustful spirits are actual demons spirits affecting him. They have a grip on him to the point where he is deceived into believing he is fine and has no problem. You must understand that, if this is the problem, they control him, and he is not able to put forth the power to control them. Even if he doesn't like what he is doing deep inside his heart (which many times is true of people who are driven by evil spirits) he doesn't have enough power to stop what they do to him. They will constantly drive him to hunt for a new relationship. It doesn't at all mean that his relationship with you is not fulfilling to him. This is what Satan does to people to disrupt their peace and keep them in sin. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he still cares for you because he still wants to live at home. At least we are going to attack the situation as if that is the case. However, you need to know what you are going into before you start. You will also need a certain amount of preparation, which I will give you, so that you are effective.

The best case scenario is: He could be delivered from demonic spirits which control his behavior; become the perfect husband and father, and spend eternity with you and his family in heaven. There have been thousand upon thousands of men who have blessed their families in this way by accepting God's deliverance.

Or, being that God created every person free to make their own choices, he could choose to walk away from his family and never look back; or live separately, and choose how much he wants to participate in his children's lives.

Some people move quickly, they go for God with all their heart from the moment they meet Jesus. What I usually see, however, is what I call "The Dance" which is two steps forwards for God then one step backwards to the old life. (Romans 7:14-25) As a person learns about God's ways they struggle with the old life and habits they formed while they were a sinner. Sometime they appear like they've lost their salvation altogether, but God doesn't give up on them that easily and neither should we. Eventually the one step backwards will start to occur less and less frequently. Many problems can come and go between couples during this time and God will be right there to give you strength and knowledge to work things out. A person doesn't see their growth much during these "Dance Times" nor do they see any in the other person. They feel pain in many situations, but in that pain train yourself to look for changes that are good and remember what God has already done for you. God moves for you when you remember and thank him for what he has already done. Philippians 1:6 ...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Later, when you look back on those situations you will realize how much you learned and how the other person grew. Helping one another stay in the scriptures and finding a good church will speed up the process and mellow the pain of problems. Be patient and eventually each of you will mature in the Lord.

Divorce should be the last resort. I would like to see you try to repair your marriage especially because of what divorce does to children plus

God hates divorce. So let's look at what the Bible rules for divorce are.

Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce," says the Lord God...

You say. "This has caused me not to care about his affair and think about finding someone else." There's no quick way to repair your relationship with your husband; but starting a new one with someone else could prove to be more disastrous, especially if it's not in the will of God. Finding a new partner, of any kind, be it a friendship or romantic, is not an option at this time as long as you are married, according to the Bible. And if you have already found someone, STOP immediately and repent; it will put your soul in danger. We are going to go through some scriptures that will tell you when and how you can be perfectly free if it comes to that. Then you will please God and He will bless you.

1Corinthians 7:12-14 ... If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Since your husband wants to live with you, it is best to try to win him for the Lord. There is nothing more rewarding than to watch a loved one turn from their old ways and accept Jesus as their savior. I have found that when you use the entire God given knowledge and wisdom that you have to win a person, if that person really does turn to the Lord they grow and you have a stable loving relationship. But if they won't choose deliverance and live for the Lord, then they will become extremely anxious to get out of your presence and stay there. Then they commit adultery and get the divorce; then you are completely free to find another mate. This is a much safer way to do things. You're totally free, God is OK with your divorce and He knows you need a mate so He will bring you the right one. I know this is absolutely true, because I've been there many years ago, when I was young.

Matthew 5:31-32 "It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I (Jesus) tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

In modern times this could also read: anyone who divorces her husband, except for marital unfaithfulness. Once more, adultery is the only reason a couple is permitted to divorce. Adultery breaks the covenant or pledge that a man and woman give to each other at their wedding ceremony. All other problems a husband and wife encounter must be worked out in accordance with the scriptures and resolved. It's never permissible for either married partner to commit adultery but if one does the other is not bound to them anymore.

1Corinthians 7:15-16 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Since you didn't say you have ever tried to win your husband for the Lord that should be your first step. This does not mean you should sleep with him. That would be an act of commitment or re-establishing your covenant of marriage and the two of you will become one flesh again in God's eyes. Then you wouldn't have the right to file for divorce if he doesn't want deliverance from God and would become abusive toward you. Matthew 19: 5-6 ... 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'. So they are no longer two, but one...

You will need to see a definite change for God in your husband's life. He will need to give you a period of time to prove he is going to remain growing in his relationship with the Lord. Pray about the time for resuming marital relations.

You may say, "He is my husband, isn't he allowed to have sex with his own wife?" The answer is, not when he is having sex with other women. Intimate marital privileges must include the author of Love, which is God. Even if two people aren't saved (born again in Christ) but honor the vows they made to each other, which God set into earthly law centuries ago, the fact that they honor those vows is a form of Godly love. Anything outside the law of honoring your marital vows is a form of lust. Having other women cancels out his right to marital privileges. Then if he forces himself upon you it is an act of lust, which would be considered rape. Therefore, you are not held responsible for his act which keeps your body holy for the Lord.

1Thessalonians 4:3-5 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;

You said, "My love for him has faded." That's not all bad at this time; it will release you emotionally so you can do what's best and get your family in order. If your husband decides to follow Jesus, God's love will miraculously grow between the two of you and that's the best kind of love. So you shouldn't worry about how you feel now.

Strengthen yourself for the battle. Let change your views on these two other statements you made. 1. I'm tired of living a lie.

You're not living any lie, your husband is. He's the one Satan has been lying to for years. You are trying to build a loving family atmosphere in your home and God is thrilled with you for that. Everything you do to help your children through this time is wonderful in God's eyes and you are to be commended for asking for help. The burden of guilt is on your husband not you. Now, never pick it up again, never carry it for a moment. His infidelity is not your fault. Instead, realize you are the only one who can bring your husband out of the lie he's been living in for so many years and it's your determination that will make your family whole, and good. You are very, very special.

2. I'm scared of being alone.

First of all you're not ever alone. You have two wonderful boy's to love, encourage and take joy in, you have my family and I praying for you, but most of all you have God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to walk with you every step of the way and give you insight at a moments notice to help you. All you have to do is pray, and give the Lord thanksgiving and glory for what He is doing. Watch for every little improvement and take great joy in it because Satan is loosing his grip! God is working for you.

Hebrews 13: 5-6 ...God has said," Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid"...

1John 4:16-18 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him ...There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Begin to walk in God's love found by doing what you read in the Bible. Then you'll be secure knowing when you walk in love toward God or other people; you'll never receive the punishment that fear brings. Fear of being alone, fear of what other people will think or do, fear of not having enough etc., are fears put in a human mind from Satan not God. To fear the Lord means to respect or reverence Him. There is no fear or punishment in reverencing God, and there is no fear or punishment in receiving anything from God and he's a really big giver to those who love him. Believing God for everything in your life opens the door for blessings and closes the door on fear. Therefore, if fear attacks you, repeat scriptures of truth like the ones above, then God's love will drive out all fear from your heart and mind and you will feel secure.

Now if you're ready; NEVER look back at what was in your life. Look only to the future and see what your life will be through God's power. Keep your mind strictly on future plans and the greatness of God. Ask for the Lord's guidance and praise him daily. Thank him for all that He's doing, knowing that He is working for you all the time, day and night. Praise him for what you want; things that you don't yet see and watch it happen. God is good and He loves you.

Jeremiah 29:10-13 This is what the Lord says: "...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Because I get so many letters like yours I feel it's time to teach women (and men too, who have written with the same problem) how to get the deliverance for their spouse that will create peace in their home. I am sending you to a series that I'm writing that will scripturally teach you how to stop Satan from destroying your family. I have three chapters finished that will help you get started. More will be coming soon. This series is written for families with children as well as for married couples. Take from it whatever you need; God is so eager to help you.

How To Solve Problems Using God's Power