You are looking at this situation from the view of your personal pain and loss to the family. I feel for you and pray continually that God will strengthen you through his great love and compassion. I must look at this situation in a different light; as an eternal choice your husband is making. Choosing sin and lust to rule his life has put him into the captivity and torment of Satan; that choice will eventually force him to live an eternity of punishment. We must do our best to rescue him!

Jude 1:22-23 Be merciful to those who doubt; snatch others from the fire and save them.. .

First of all, your husband is a sinner and is continuing in sin over this other woman.

1Corinthians 6:16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."

For him to move out and figure out on his own what he wants as a sinner, Satan is right there to help him decide. If you want him back, you will need to get God's Word into him to build faith. Satan is the one who tears families apart; God is the one that rebuilds them.

Love between a husband and wife is real love, instilled by God even though it's may not be perfect love as in God's love.

1Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Anything outside of marriage is lust, Satan's imitation of love. You have said that you forgave him and tried to rebuild the marriage. This is excellent, however without God and His power you will not be able to deliver him from the lustful demons that bind him.

You need for God to move for you in a miraculous way to save your marriage and your family. If you haven't given your heart to Him, or if unforgiven sin might be standing in the way of Him answering your prayers, you need to make things right between you and God. Our salvation prayer page might help you if you're not sure what to pray.

Every Christian has a covenant with God. If you do your part, God promises to do His. Jesus says:

John 14:12-14 I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

John 15:16-17 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.

You must bind the spirits of lust that are controlling your husband; any other spirits he may have at this time can also be bound so he can be completely set free. Jesus gave the church authority to do this in;

Matthew 16:18-19 And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

Don't beg God for deliverance. Jesus put the power of deliverance in your hands. It's God's job to back you up. If what you want is righteous then it's already a standard in heaven and God is for it. When you speak out loud the things you want and those things are the same as the scriptures say it should be, then you're using God's faith and faith is what gets God to move.

God honors faith and faith changes the facts.

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

You are to rebuke Satan and resist any compromising thought that comes into your mind. That's the way God wants you to use your faith. Believe God is and will continue to deliver your husband right now. Thank him for every little change you see, every improvement. Speak aloud what you want from the Lord and do not doubt.

Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, `Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "

Matthew 21:21-22Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Continue to confess your desires and be thankful to Him for what He is doing never dwelling on the problem again. Thinking about the problems gives place to what Satan is doing and allows him to continue. Look to God for deliverance.

James 4:7-8 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Many times when we pray for changes in other people, God usually makes change in us first. Those changes always draw us closer to Him through reading his word and prayer and receive his faith for what he is about to do for us.

Romans 10:17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.

Through that process he gives us supernatural insight for the desire we have along with the strength to endure till the finish. Look to God and trust him to completely deliver your husband. Stand strong and dress yourself with the Armor of God.

If you don't have a good church then find one immediately and ask your husband to attend with you, at least the first time you go. This article will help you find a qualified pastor to teach you: How To Find The Right Church

This article will help you talk to your husband in a way to change his heart: How To Help Someone Find God Without Them Rebelling

I have been praying for you and your husband. I believe that God is moving for him and by now you should be seeing the kinds of changes that only God can perform.

Years ago a woman at work became friends with my husband. She gave him gifts and brought food in for him. A friend of mine who knew her told me that she asked my husband to meet her somewhere, but he didn't go. He ended up bringing that woman to salvation and one evening she received the baptism of the Holy Spirit in her own home; just her and the Lord. Had I not been strong enough to be silent and pray for her she may not be saved and on her way to heaven. I never said anything negative about their relationship to my husband. That would have been planting a seed that I didn't want fulfilled. Prayer and trying to get the Word of God into him to build his faith is what's important. Then he will be able to receive from the Lord.

Trust in your husband until you have proof, or until he moves out. Pray, pray and pray some more. When you pray, do so believing in God, NO doubt, NO fear, believing that God is changing his heart. Confess what you want to the Lord and continually thank him for doing it. That is your work of faith.

What your husband does is not your responsibility. It is between him and God, no matter how much it hurts you. You, as a child of God, are to show him love. This is the best way to win a person for the Lord and find safety in a relationship. After all, who can resist a person who treats them like Christ would?

1Peter 4:7-11 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.

Get yourself into the position with God where He will answer your prayers quickly. Pray, read your bible as much as you can, get into a good church where you can get results from God.

Your personal time needs to be spent in the arms of the Lord, so you can be comforted by him, rather than by friends and outsiders. True joy comes only from the Lord, and in Him you will find strength and the answers that you need to reach your husband for the Lord and rebuild your family.

It's not impossible for God to rebuild your marriage, but it will take dedication, perseverance, and all the strength you have. Be extremely loving towards your husband every time you talk to him. Show him that God has changed your life and give him a reason to come back.

My prayers are with you and I'm hoping for the best.

When a person refuses to hear what you have to say about God it's because they have a lack of faith. Not realizing how much God loves them and is willing to help them, they continue in feeling guilt and shame, which in turn causes pain. When you talk about God's word, even if they try to block it out, it continues to work in their mind and heart because your words are faith, and faith is a living working resource designed by God to draw people into his family. Many times if you play Christian music in your home it will soften the heart of a loved one so the Word of God will be accepted.

It will take the Spiritual work of God words to build his faith and deliver him from the bondage he's in. So don't give up. You're already seeing changes in him. That's wonderful! Thank God for each little change you see; he's on his way to serving the Lord. I've dealt with people just like your husband and they just need more love than others who will accept the Lord easily.

In your private time, speak aloud confessions of his deliverance using the name of Jesus to take authority over the grip that Satan has on him. All of heaven will back you up.

Matthew 16:17-19 Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "

He's your man and the father of your child, so decide that whatever it takes, as long as he is willing to stay, you are going to see to it that he will serve the Lord. Hold on to God for him. Be firm and tell God you won't accept any other way. Show God your faith for what you want. He will honor it. Jesus said ask and you will receive, seek and you will find. God said He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) and God is definitely in the business of building strong, healthy and righteous families.

If your man respects the fact that you don't want to do something sinful like having pre-marital sex, then his conscience is in good working order. God is dealing with him. God expects you to get married and live righteous in His sight. You say the Christians you have talked to tell you that you can't marry this man until he is born again; and that you've seen it in the Bible yourself. I suppose you're getting that from:

2Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.

This scripture is not for you. You are already yoked together, you have a child together, you still live together, and you still love each other. The two of you have become one in God's eyes through sexual relations even though you're not married. It was His law that He set up for people everywhere, even though his other law was to be married first. Don't be offended by this next scripture, but you have to know that the two of you have become one. It's just that God sees half of you as unsaved.

1Corinthians 6:16-17 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

Whether a man or a woman is or isn't born again they become as one flesh when they engage in a sexual relationship. You have been committed to this man for at least seven years, and by what you say, much longer. The Christians you have been listening to are giving you the letter of the Word and forgetting the leadership of God's Holy Spirit. It's much like the legalistic rules the Pharisees tried to impose on people when Jesus was here doing God's work.

New Covenant people, those who accept the blood of Jesus for their salvation, live under grace, not law. If we still lived under law, God would have killed the two of you when you gave in to sexual relations before marriage, just as He did to the man and woman in Numbers 25:6-8. Instead God loved you so much he gloriously saved you and is working toward your man's day of salvation. Grace affords us the opportunity to make mistakes, even live in sin, while God is waiting for just the right moment to convict us of our sins and offer us salvation. Never let anyone force the letter of the word on you but pray and ask God about everything.

2Corinthians 3:4-6 Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life .

1John 4:8...God is love. Is it even reasonable that God would have you separate from one another? What would you do, find another man to raise your son just because he would be saved? Then how would you handle the feelings of love you have for your ex-husband when he still loves you and the biggest bond between you is your child? Can you see what a disaster your life would become because you took the advice of someone who is not led by the Spirit of God?

God is not the least bit interested in tearing your family apart. That would destroy you, your son and your man. He already feels left out because Satan has such a hold on him. If you turn him away he may go off into deeper sin and never receive his salvation. How could either of you ever have peace from such a situation? Even if he would never get saved, he's better off with you and his son than he would be out in the sinful world. You have enough love for God and your man to cover this whole situation, so by all means get married. It will at least release your man from the guilt that he's living in sin. It could be the very thing that would change his whole outlook on Christianity.

Plan a small ceremony where a godly preacher gives you God's blessing. Get your man involved with the wedding. It will at least give him a reason to go to church and meet the pastor. If your pastor is the one who told you that you couldn't marry him, then you're not receiving spiritual food from the pulpit and he may not want to perform your wedding. If he wants the two of you to separate for any length of time before the wedding, then you are in the wrong church. When you do get married, you want you husband to grow in the Lord and that will take proper teaching and spiritual guidance. Please see my article on How To Find The Right Church. It gives guidelines for who you should allow into your life to teach you and your family. God is love and the love between the two of you and your son should not be destroyed, but nurtured by godly people until the two of you are whole and righteous in the sight of God.

Satan doesn't want to release anyone from the chains of sin that he has bound them with. I have worked with many people that do what you call "shutting himself off". It's natural for a young Christian to feel they caused it because of what they did or said. Actually it's not a bad thing. I look at it as a quiet time or a thinking process where the Holy Spirit can bring about changes in their heart because of the seed that you planted. It's biblical because everything in God's worlds, physical as well as spiritual, works through Seed Time and Harvest. Genesis 8:22 "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease." I guarantee you God is not done with your man. Just hang in there and fill his life with the joy you are receiving from God. He will eventually feel the desire to receive the things of God for himself.

To learn more about how to lead him to the Lord go to my article How To Help Someone Find God Without Them Rebelling.

It appears you have been reading your Bible and have an interest in gaining a better more fulfilling life through God and his son Jesus Christ. Your attitude is a very healthy one. Your willingness to learn what is in the Bible and to use it in your daily life creates a relationship with Jesus that gives him freedom to reward you in every area of your life. Even though changing your life at times will be tough and even heart breaking; over a period of time you will see the power and strength of God in your life. Always keep your good attitude.

You were right in your belief that this man did not love you when you divorced him. However, anyone who is not born again through the repentance and the cleansing of their sins is going to act like a sinner and will be found lacking when it comes to true and honest love in relationships of any kind.

You gave me some scriptures about love, so we better start with understanding God's love first. It should help you put the love you are feeling for you former husband into prospective.

Love (A deep and tender feeling of affection; or attachment; devotion to a person.

Affection suggests warm, tender feelings, usually not as powerful or deep as those implied by love.

Attachment implies connection by ties of affection, attraction, devotion, etc. and may be felt for inanimate things as well as for people; Infatuation implies a foolish or unreasoning passion or affection, often a transient or temperary one. - Webster's Dictionary)

To know the truth about how love works, as well as how others love us, really takes a relationship with the Lord. His love is not the same as love between two people.

Dear friends let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1John 4:7-8

God is the author of love and the creator of the right kind of trustworthy love that should be in people. The questions you asked are a sign that you are wanting to explore God's love and the ability of how to use it toward other people, especially ones you care about. Be patient and give yourself time to learn God's ways and allow the Holy Spirit to produce the right kind of love in you. Also you can compare what you are learning about God's pure and perfect love to what you see in others.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23

These are the qualities that build good relationships. It is not enough for one person to have these qualities, both must constantly bring these fruits to a relationship in order for it to withstand the storms of life. How many, and how often do you use these fruits in your relationship? How often does your partner use them?

I give you these two questions in this order because with out self-examination we cannot fairly look at others.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Luke 6:41-42

The fruit of the Spirit is made up of godly qualities that are grown in a person's life by the Holy Spirit. They are above human standards and allow us to respond to people with the compassion and the unconditional kind of love Jesus had. They are produced as we yield ourselves to the Lord, through obedience to the word, prayer and worship, for His will and His purpose in our lives. You will notice love is the first fruit listed. Love is the root for all the other fruits to be produced.

There are many scriptures in the Bible declaring the importance of love, which is why love is the primary bond between God, the Father and Jesus; and between Jesus and people.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

1Corinthians 13:4-5a - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking

Each of these qualities of love is a long term, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week quality that the Holy Spirit develops in a person, creating our own maturity in the Lord. Very little of these qualities are produced within the human spirit alone. These qualities will allow a person to view another person with compassion and gladness of heart; these qualities will replace condemnation with help, jealousy and hatred with prayer and deliverance for that person. Jesus gave freely to anyone who had a need and wanted truth. He shared his care and compassion; knowledge and wisdom, help and deliverance but he never put himself under bondage to any person. Now check yourself and your partner on how you use these aspects of love.

1Corinthians 13:5b - it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

These qualities of love will promote self-control in us. It is through self-control and obedience to God's word that our own blessings come. These qualities will give us the freedom to enter into God's presence any time to pray and receive answers for our own needs as well as for others.

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 1Peter 4:7-10

The key words here are hospitality, serve and administering God's grace. God never wants his children to put themselves into bondage by forming a deep relationship with an unbeliever, as you will see later. He wants us to be full of his spirit to serve others in administering his knowledge and wisdom with the hope that others can be saved and blessed. We are to be like his disciples.

I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes (sharp, keen, quick, perceptive -Webster's) and as innocent as doves. (Free from sin, evil or guilt; doing or thinking nothing morally wrong -Webster's) Matthew 10:16

1Corinthians 13:6 - Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Delight (to be highly pleased; rejoice: something giving great joy or pleasure, captivate , entertainment, excite, exult -Webster's)

You must not allow the evil that someone else produces be part of your life. Strength comes from truth. If, physically or mentally, through your emotions and worry, you are constantly under the pressure of someone who is evil or has ungodly values, how could you ever become strong? You cannot rejoice in truth if you allow the ungodly actions and words of others to affect your thinking, conversation or actions. Protecting yourself and living in the presence of the Lord is your first concern, it's eternal.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? Luke 9:25

Knowing the difference between someone who is rebellious toward God and someone ignorant of God's word is important. We must have a tender heart to help people but also the ability to separate from anything that is rebellious to God. When starting to teach a person about God many times you get both attitudes. They need a proving time before you allow them to be a significant part of your life, a time to evaluate the salvation of God and make a change in their own life for Christ. Pray much for your own knowledge and wisdom from God, especially when it comes to helping others and be ready to back off and move in again with his precious word as the Spirit directs you. Remember faith comes by hearing the word and faith in God can overcome rebellion.

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17

1Corinthians 13:7 - It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Even though we are to have a portion of these attributes of love toward people, they are the primary bond between a person and God. He is the only one who never changes and is always true to His promises.

Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:16-17

These attributes: protection, trust, hope and perseverance are limited in providing a true bond between people, sometimes even between Christians. Examine yourself, when a person irritates you by lying or being abusive do you want to protect them? Do you trust them? The sincerity of your relationship has been altered. This is something that takes time to repair even under the best of conditions. A continuous state of insincere words or actions creates a void between two people. When people willfully do wrong over and over against God does he protect them? His protection was lost even for the Jewish nation, because of their disobedience, when he allowed the Germans to execute so many of them. (See: Isaiah 3:16-25)

Hope is a feeling that what is wanted is likely to happen; desire accompanied by expectation (Webster's Dictionay). This is a feeling within oneself and no matter how much hope or desire you have, it is not likely to change the feelings of another person. People change only if they want to change. If they do want to change, they would be willing to listen to you and try what you tell them. You'll see that in them right away. If they don't want change, they may listen to you and then do just what they want to, or rebel and get angry. In fact, the more hope and concern you pour into a person, the worse they will get if their heart is hard and they don't want to change.

Persevere means to continue in some effort, course of action, etc. in spite of difficulty, opposition, etc.; be steadfast in purpose; persist. Perseverance in creating relationships with people who have different standards and goals for relationships than you is not only a waste of time but damaging to you, spiritually, mentally and sometimes physically. You must evaluate the kind of relationship they are wanting with you, whether it is one of depth or just surface and casual. You need to know if it is short term or long term and if their goals are similar to your goals for the relationship. Then ask yourself if you are willing to live by their standards, because you never get more out of a person than they are willing to give.

No matter how hard we try, people rarely change just because we want them to. These qualities of love: protection, trust, hope, or perseverance are promises of God for people who love him. We receive these promises from him through being obedient to his word. Only by putting God first and receiving God's knowledge and the wisdom to use that knowledge are we able to know when and how much we can use these aspects of love toward people. In short, the integrity and actions of people either turn on or turn off these attributes of love from God and from wise and honest people. This is one reason why people who get divorced so often end up in the same mess with a new spouse. They didn't have the knowledge of God to know who the right person is or how to treat them. These actions must be used together by two people to bring results for a purpose both parties want. One person can rarely change another person by these kind of commitments to them.

These are attributes of great security between Jesus and his church. We must trust in him and his word an be hopeful that he is always doing what is best for us, and we must persevere after his righteousness and knowledge and the promises of God will be given to us through the saving blood of Jesus Christ. The Bible is full of his promises; we must study to learn what they are. If a person doesn't know what they are, how can they believe for them? As we grow in faith (belief) that God is everything that the Bible declares, the Holy Spirit is able to produce God's love in us.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, Ephesians 3:20a

1Corinthians 13:8a - Love never fails.

God's love for people will never fail, especially for those who believe and act upon everything in his holy word (The Bible). His promises are true and faithful. He is never failing in his greatest love, the desire to reach all people with his great salvation.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone...that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. 1TI 2:1-4

Never failing love does not mean that love between people won't fail. God created each person with a will or a heart, not the one that pumps blood to keep the body alive, but one that creates desires within our minds, and he gave us the freedom to make choices based upon those desires.

If we, as God's creations, don't restrict those desires and choose the will of God, as he has mapped out for us in the Bible, then we don't have the privilege of experiencing His promise of never failing love.

If choices aren't based on the word of God, which is rooted and grounded in God's love, those choices will either be narcissistic in nature (self-love; self-interest, self-comfort, self-importance, self-abilities, etc.-Webster's Dictionary) or worse, those choices will be demonic, envious, revengeful, lustful, etc. How could a love relationship survive with a person who makes choices ruled by those desires? There isn't any love in the foundation of their lifestyle, it has no rules for stability, trust or truth; and if their own foundation is lacking, how can they ever support someone else? There could never be any consistency for a lifetime relationship with that kind of person, which is why we have such a high divorce rate.

These scriptures you quoted from, that describe love, are full of God's kind of love, not human love. Human love without God being in both parties has the standards of the sinful nature that rules this earth since Adam and Eve sinned, all people have been born with a sinful nature.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23

(Acts of the sinful nature see: Galatians 5:19-21)

(For more on the sinful nature see: Romans 7:14 - Romans 8:17)

Because of that sinful nature, the love that a person feels toward others can be easily distorted. The further away from God a person is, the more ability Satan has to distort or twist God's truth about love.

However, as we begin to give ourselves to the Lord and the precious Holy Spirit has our permission to move into the depths of our very being, God's love becomes established in our hearts. Unfortunately this takes more time than we would like to think it would. God's kind of love is complete, self-sacrificing and unconditional. If we can learn to give God's unconditional love to others, He then responds to us with supernatural blessings and divine love in all areas of our life.

When we show love to others we must at all times keep in mind the scriptures that command us to protect our own salvation.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared. Proverbs 22:24-25

Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." 1Corinthians15: 33

Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1Timothy 4:16

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6: 1

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ( wickedness as an evil force -Webster's )? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 2Corinthians 6: 14-15

Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully. Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take him into your house or welcome him. Anyone who welcomes him shares in his wicked work. 2John1: 8-11

People who do not know the true love of God have a distorted form of love called lust. ( A desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite -Webster's ) Lust is not love in any sense of the word. Love is giving to another in spite of how you feel; lust is taking from or using another, (i.e. selfishness) always wanting to satisfy one's own desires. Lust manifests in the minds of people as:

1. I love you if you're pretty or handsome, smart, rich, popular, etc.

2. Lust is processed in the mind as "How can you please me, give me something or make me feel secure?" It is primarily a "Me" relationship.

3. Lust is a spirit from Satan and constantly pushes a person to search for situations that increase pleasure within their own ego. In short people become prey for a person with lust.

4. A person with lust is usually a non committal person, wanting to regulate the limits of their relationships by keeping it for the most part on their terms, coming, going and doing just as they please, which gives them a false sense of self-esteem, even to the point of being boastful. Although the relationship can last for many years, it never becomes a trusting, deep and fulfilling bond, because the other person is only interested what they receive never what they can give.

A lustful person never has a giving or a caring attitude; sacrifice is not a word they are familiar with. Their relationships always have the undertones of Satan's egotistical nature, starting from the time he rose up against God and God finally threw him and the angels that followed him out of heaven to our present day. (Luke 10:18 and Isaiah 14:13-15)

Unfortunately, people's lustful nature has become socially acceptable to people all around the world as true love. People don't want to get hurt yet they fall easily into one relationship after another with very little thought and no commitment. How can they help but to get hurt? Human nature beckons people to be self-centered at times. It's something we all will have to fight against as long as we in our human bodies. If anyone chooses to have a relationship that is outside of God's standards they, themselves will tie God's hands. He will not be able to bring peace or the blessings of his love into their life.

God's word gives us standards to live by, in your case I can think of three important scriptures:

1. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25

In a proper relationship God expects a man to give up his own pleasures to please his wife, just as Jesus did for the church. In return, when a husband is a godly man with proper love, a woman should be submissive to him with a desire for him to participate in good, clean Bible approved activities.

2. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:28

It takes God's love to bring righteous, order and discipline into ones own life. Through that righteousness a person learns how to give proper, long lasting love to others, the kind of love that God intended for people to share. It takes the righteous power of God to maintain that love, keeping all the fear, worry, jealous thoughts and other destructive forces out of the relationship and to allow the peace of God to bring security to the hearts and minds of the couple.

3. "But at the beginning of creation God `made them male and female.' `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:6-9

Ask yourself; do any of these three scriptures reflect the direction your relationship is heading?

You say you are very fit and attractive.With everything else you have said I don't believe it matters to him how fit and attractive you may be; his relationships are about him. Whether he is getting sex or not elsewhere, without God's power to change him, he is always going to be on the watch for something he thinks will satisfy the desire that drives him. Many times the dream is more satisfying than the reality and working on a relationship is not important to a person who can not break loose of the desire to dream and hunt.

I still loved him, he still loved me. You are contradicting what you said in your first paragraph. Ask yourself, "Has his actions in the past, or do his actions now put me first in his life? Does he know how to give lasting love to me or to anyone else? Is he trustworthy to anyone? There can't be love without trust; the two go hand in hand.

We were only married one year, apart for the first 7 months because he had military duty. I feel like I did not persevere and stick it out, did not give it enough of a chance. Did he give you a good reason why he did not write or call? No phone, not paper or stamps, two broken arms, weigh it out and decide if it is worth forgiving. Did you have an address to write him? Did you write? As for sticking it out, give yourself a pat on the back. You're still here, loving, caring and trying to pick up the pieces. Is he? This is something only you can determine.

He's back in my life. I thought it was God bringing us back together to do the relationship God's way. God is a God of blessing and love, not hurt, doubt and fear. If it is of God, you should be able to answer yes to these questions. Is this man going to church with you? That's God's way. Is he praying or reading the Bible with you? That's God's way. Is he supporting you in your AA meetings or does he plan to continue to drink, with you without you? God's ways would have to be reflected in the lives of both of you, not just you alone.

We both decided to put the past behind us, and start over. Ask yourself, has he really put his past behind him? How many things does he do just like he did before? Examine his progress closely; was that a true statement or was he just saying what you wanted to hear? Have his actions really changed enough to be worthy of your trusting him? Weigh it out. You are apparently really trying to change your life. You can't afford to let someone you can't trust hold you back from receiving the blessings of God. God has a bright future for you. His promises in the Bible are for everyone who will believe and receive.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

There are a whole lot of things he says and does that shows me that he loves me and he's changing and making every effort into this relationship. This is very important. Are they things with Godly content? Only God can really change a heart and keep it changed.

He called me after the meeting and said he was out with his sister and her husband, they were having such a good time, would I mind if he just continued the evening with them. I said no, have a good time. Did you ever find out what made it such a good time? Was it worth the pain it caused you?

But inside I think if he really loved me, why wouldn't he just invite me to join them? Is he really with them or is he really with someone else? And if he really were with them, why would he want to be with them tonight instead of me? He lives with them. He sees them all the time. I feel you have weighed these questions out very well. God is giving your insight to the way His love works. You have a right to have questions and you have a right to get answers from him that are true and satisfying. How does he call you? Can you use *69 or Caller ID to find out if he is being honest? You could simply say the next time "Oh, I'll be right over to join you. Where are you?" Don't let anyone ever take advantage of you and upset you. Be strong and get answers or give up and get away from them. God loves you and wants you to be happy.

Another example, he says that he wants to start having dinners earlier in the evenings when we see each other because when we eat after my meetings, around 9-10pm, it makes him tired and he is trying to lose weight and its not good to eat so late. I say fine. But I am thinking, he wants to lose weight because he wants to be attractive for other women. It has nothing to do with wanting to have more energy to spend with me. 10pm is close to bedtime and he should be tired. God gives people good instinctive reasoning power. You must have a lot of reasons for thinking this way. Go over your reasoning, how much time is he spending with you? Is it quality time or convent time for him?

I mean, tonight, it was 6pm and he was on his way to meet his sister and her husband for drinks and dinner. Why didn't he invite me to eat dinner with them before my meeting? Or have a quick dinner with me before my meeting and then join up with them? If he was serious about wanting to loose weight he should have invited you to eat early so you would not be so hungry later and then a light snack for him and you would have been in order after your meeting. You have the right idea of what sweet Godly love is all about. Keep praying and questioning his actions and motives; ask God for a clear view of the situation and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you.

Then we were going to meet after my meeting, around 9:45. He calls and says he wants to continue the evening with them. Well, it's been almost 4 hours with them; he lives with them and can see them anytime. Did he ever see you or were you forgotten altogether that night? Remember if God doesn't change him, this is what being married to him will be like. Being married won't keep him home, it will only make your life miserable. He will still be free as a bird and you'll be left with the dirty socks.

When we started to see each other again 2 months ago, he was seeing another woman. He said he broke it off with her. How do I know for sure? How do I know he's not with her right now? How do I know that all the times he says he's going shopping or out with his sister that it's really just a cover for him being with the other woman?

It's not important that you know all the answers to these questions. People do what they want to do and no matter how much someone cares about them, they still do what pleases them. Dwelling on questions like these will only hurt you more and weaken you in spirit.

What is important is that you evaluate the bond between the two of you, if there is any. Then compare that bond to the kind of relationship God wants for couples. See if it measures up. If it doesn't, then it's not for you. Treat it like an old broken pair of shoes that you loved once. Keep the good memories and get rid of the shoes. God wants you to have immeasurable love in your life, first with Him and then with a devoted husband.

Trust in a relationship must come first. When we repent and ask Jesus into our life we trust that God will forgive us. That trust is based on His word, which says he is faithful (trustworthy, loyal -Webster's ) to forgive us of our sins. Through our trust in his word we become part of God's family and are assured of all his promises. That bond of trust in his word is what starts our relationship.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1John 1:9

In the same way, a person is only as good as their word. If you cannot trust in what they say you have nothing; that person is not connecting with you, they're against you. There is no stability in any foundation you might try to form; therefore you can not build any successful relationship with that person.

If you can trust what someone says, you have a sound, secure reason for a foundation to build a relationship on. Out of trust comes respect for each other. Out of respect grows true love and security. Out of love and security comes satisfaction and happiness. Even when couples have very little attraction between them, love can grow out of trust and respect for one another. Trust is the only foundation that will keep a relationship afloat when hard times hit. Hard times should not be caused by either person in the relationship, but by outside circumstances that force a couple together, forming a tight bond through caring and concern for the others person's well being.

I am scared and worried what if I am being lied to? What if he is playing me for a naive fool? Do you want to live the rest of your life with these questions? It's time to move toward getting some answers. Pray first for God's guidance then let your former husband know you are changing your lifestyle and if he really wants to be any part of the "New You" he will have to stick close to keep up. You have already proven that you've changed by going to AA. Ask him to go to your meetings with you. He evidently drinks and could use them; besides, they always welcome partners for support. Try praying or reading the Bible with him. Start giving a prayer of thanksgiving, out loud, over all of your meals, whether he is eating with you or not, it will bring the power of God into you life. If he will read with you and he's not familiar with reading the Bible, start as the beginning of Matthew. Let him know you are going to church or want to go to church and invite him to go with you. If you don't have a church or don't know where to go, when we went looking for a church that teaches everything God has to offer we found that the Church of God, or the Assembly of God churches met our needs. At any rate keep looking until you find a good one and see if he is sincere about putting the old life behind him. I find that when a person is sincere in wanting a new start they will move in close and actually drain me of the knowledge God has given me; if they're not sincere then they will avoid being in my presence. So pray much for him and test him, but be prepared, he may stay and draw closer to you or he may leave altogether. These are eternal decisions you are making and the most important ones you will ever make.

What if he is seeing someone else and just keeping me around on the sidelines for some emotional security (because he sure isn't asking for sex). If he doesn't want sex from me, doesn't that mean he's getting it from somewhere else? Could be, but not necessarily. When people have allowed themselves to be taken over by evil spirits the very things that drives them toward one thing will deprive them of something else. Their values become distorted and their desires follow that distortion. For instance an alcoholic can become impotent. A smoker will go without eating. A workaholic goes without sleep until they get into sleep depravation. The functions of the body actually become second place. The drive becomes first place.

I'm 36 yrs old, and we have been married once, so please don't tell me that God doesn't want me to have pre-marital sex.

OK. I'll let God speak.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man ( or a woman) commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1Corinthians 6:18

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4

If you want God's help for your happiness, any sex without a marriage license is against God's word and will prevent you from receiving his best. You've waited this long; be patient and see what God will do for you. He loves you.

This man is not spiritual so he's not abstaining for God's approval. He may not be, but if you really want him back I hope he is abstaining for your safety. You would be the one who knows him best in this area. He really does need God in his life. You could be the one to help him find salvation since he thinks he feels close to you. However, if you can't lead him to the Lord, he will never be a person to build the kind of relationship you are looking for. If you think he is having sex with others, you should be afraid to take him back with all the diseases that are running rampant today and if he wants to be a part of your new life, he should be willing to have tests run to protect you and share the results with you.
If I continue to just hope, believe, trust, and be loving and kind, will he come around? Probably not, people rarely come around to another person's way of thinking. Ask yourself, "Has he responded to that before?" Has he had enough time to respond in the past? He is living on the edge and keeping you dangling. He's running wild and expecting you to be there when he's ready for you. How long do you want to continue this lifestyle? He seems awfully happy - but you're not. There would be more opportunity for him to change if you took control of the situation by being firm; making Godly changes in your life and persuading him to follow. This is your true and only hope for any real relationship with him in the future. If he stays as he is and you grow in God's grace, how could a relationship ever be good between you? You would never have peace or true love in your life. Pray for God's wisdom and that the drawing power of the Lord will draw him.

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, John 6:44

He continually reassures me that there is none else, Yes there is, if it's not a girlfriend, it's his sister. He puts her before you. That's not a very strong love. Think carefully, what else comes before you? You have to know where you really stand with this man and arrange you life accordingly. You can't live in frustration, pain and worry without harming your own health, especially your nervous system. Your body has to last you a lifetime. I have see so many couples that have a bad relationship; one worries and takes all the abuse, finally that person wears out and they die while the abusive one lives on for 15 to 20 years more. Don't become one of those couples. I knew a man that drank and carried on, spending his pay and leaving very little to run the household, even though he believed there was a God. He could have been saved in the last years of his life if someone had gotten through to him with help for his salvation. I don't know if they did or not, but his wife, who stayed home and made a lovely home for him and his children was so bitter when she died, even though people tried to tell her about Jesus, she wouldn't listen and didn't want salvation. It's sad that one person can be so destructive to another that they cost them the promise of eternity in heaven, and all under the disguise of love.

I am his soul mate, According to Webster - A soul mate is a person with whom one has a deeply personal relationship. Do you have that?

Soul means moral or emotional warmth -Webster. Does he treat you morally, fairly, decently? Is he emotionally warm towards you? What kind of emotion does he show you? Is it beneficial to you or only to him?

Soul: something vital or an essential part of something else, something of quality, or a principle part of a person's life -Webster. Does he make you feel you are an essential part of his life? Does he give you his undivided attention? Rate what value he puts on your relationship. Use a 1 to 10 rating if you need to. Honestly work out a description of his feelings for you. Are you really his soul mate? Is what he's saying real or are they empty words to manipulate you? Only you can weigh this out carefully.

That he's been given a second chance and he's not going to blow it. A second chance is a new beginning. He can only prove he's not blowing it by changing his lifestyle along with you. Nothing else is a second chance, it's the same old thing filled with empty words and empty promises and that is blowing it.
The world says, once a cheater always a cheater. That if you take a man back that has treated you badly and betrayed you before, he's surely going to do it again because now he knows that you will take him back no matter what. That is usually true, except for the saving grace of God.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2CO 5:17

Be strong and don't take him back unless you see a change in him. Set yourself a time limit for seeing the change start, maybe a month maybe less, you choose. Introduce your intensions for a new life. Start living it to show him that you mean business. Give him a short period of time with lots of encouragement to follow you. He may fall in line and then fall out at first. Check his attitude during these times and help pull him back in line. If he falls and you can't pull him in line, you will have to let go and hang on to the Lord with all your strength. If he does follow he will need a proving period, a time to acquire stability in his new life. Then and only then, can you think about becoming involved emotionally with him again. It could be six months to a year, or maybe more depending on his attitude. But you want a stable relationship so be strong, be patient and God will reward you.

Jesus called his disciples but they had to do the following. Some that he called turned back, some followed at a distance, but the twelve disciples followed closely and so have thousands more over the last 2000 years.

If your former husband will not go with you and receive the salvation of the Lord then he will have no power against his old way of life. If you stay with him, he will treat you by the world's standards. He will cheat on you over and over again and you will never have peace and love.

The Bible says love forgives and forgets all wrongs.

I'm not sure what scripture you are writing about, it could be this:

Hebrews 10:17 … "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more."

God is Deity ( divine in nature -Webster's ) He does forgive and He can forget our sins because our sin has no effect on His own righteousness. Our relationship with God is based on His new blood covenant. ( The promise made by God to humanity and the relationship it established -Webster's ) That covenant is to receive salvation through repentance and the cleansing blood of his Son. (Luke 22:20) But if we are to continue a relationship with God we must live free from sin, there is no other way. That is why repentance must be immediate if we sin after we experienced our initial salvation. That repentance allows the blood of Jesus to keep us pure and holy which results in a good standing with God, thus making salvation an ongoing part of our lives as we grow and learn what God declares right and wrong.

We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin 1John 5:18

We on the other hand are human and born with a sinful in nature, and since our nature is weak, the sins of others do affect our righteousness that God has given us through salvation. We can fall into sin, or just become passive about others' sins. Either way is wrong and displeases God; we are to be on fire for righteousness and if we aren't it results in a lack of faith, which in turn blocks God from pouring out all his promises and blessings on us.

We can forgive a person for treating us wrong, but that doesn't mean you are to continue living in their abuse. As a child of God you never want to get yourself into a position where someone without Godly morals and true salvation is in authority over you. You do need to forgive them, and can be a Good Samaritan to them and pray for their soul. But you're to be separated from evildoers, not let them degrade you by continually doing you wrong.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:" If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21

"Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." 2Corinthians 6:17-18

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 2Corinthians 7:1

Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.

God's wrath is severe for anyone who sins and causes one of his children to sin.

So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, `I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:1-4

A brother is not a sinner but another child of God, learning and growing in obedience to the word of the Lord. They sometimes have trouble and do offend people, but if it is the same offence over and over again, then they are not learning and growing, and you have no place with them.

Never hold a grudge, always be forgiving whether you can stay in the company of a person or not, then God will forgive you when you need to be forgiven. People won't always forgive you but God will.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11: 25

Always believes the best.

You must have reality in your thinking if you are going to be clear minded like in the scripture above (1Peter 4:7). You can look for the best in someone. You can hope for the best in someone. But in reality you must recognize what state they are in, measured according to God's word and love them as Jesus did us, so you can pray for them.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6+8

We must never be condemning of others but if you don't measure the reality of what they are against the sinful acts listed in the Bible and against God's standards of righteousness, how will you know what to pray for?

Am I being naive and Pollyannaish to think that if I love him the Bible way, this love between us won't fail?

There are no promises that love won't fail between people. However, if both people are devoted to the Lord, God's love will grow inside each of you and produce a wonderful, full, rich love. But it takes both people. I hope you have learned some of the Bible ways of love. Love Jesus first; protect that love at all costs. Let Him overflow you with love and knowledge. Then love others and do what you can do to build their relationship with Jesus Christ. Then watch perfect love grow.

Should I use my worldly sense to know that if he didn't love me enough to be faithful before, why do I think he will be different now?

No, use God's knowledge. Give him a chance with God and pray that he takes it, but don't spend years waiting on him. If his heart can be changed God will do it soon and he will continue to change as you pray for him. After all God's business is answering prayer. Read your Bible and pray first, for your own knowledge from the Word and second for his deliverance. Concentrate primarily on the love Jesus has for you and your love for him, and not your problems. Worship allows God to examine all of your situations and rescue you in the most beneficial way. If you haven't started reading regularly, start with the New Testament, reading in order from Matthew through Revelations. We are New Testament people with a covenant different from the Old Testament. Later you can read the Old Testament, it will fill in the history and the details for our new covenant.

Am I just being paranoid?

No, I would say you are being smart, cautious and open for change; all qualities that will lead you into a better, happier life, with the promise of eternal heaven.

I am afraid of wasting more of my life and more of my time with the wrong person?
You should be afraid. Life is short and we all need to make the most of it. If you are patient and really open yourself up to the Lord with prayer, worship and reading, the Holy Spirit will teach you how to benefit most from your time. And you will never again feel like you are wasting one minute of it. He will bring the right people into you life and protect you from those who want to hurt you.

Can I just ask God to take over and say, "if he's cheating, then break us up" "if he's being true and making an honest attempt, then help me to have peace with this and enjoy the new relationship" Will God just take over like that and handle it?
No, through prayer and dedication, God does move for us in that way sometimes but mostly he gives us a conscience and an instinct. If we are sensitive and aware of what we feel, we will go after facts and proof, then we will make decisions that will benefit us. You are doing that now by learning what God's love really is. You will be able to weigh things out in this situation soon and I am sure you will feel confident in the decision you make. God speaks the loudest to us through the circumstances we are in, even though they are heart breaking and tough to walk through. But through prayer for guidance and gaining knowledge through the spirit of his word, God will guide us to make the right choices. I have walked with the Lord for thirty years now and I have always found that he has all the answers. I just need to be close enough to him to hear him whisper them to me.