A
The thing to do now is to slow down. You must not jump out of one relationship into another. Who you marry is one of the most important decisions of your life and you must give God the time to prove to you what His perfect will is for your life. Happiness for your future depends on it.
Giving God time, staying in his presence until you hear from him, is one of the hardest things in life to do. It goes against our nature of quick answers and quick fixes. If you start now it will be the best decision you will ever make.
Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
It's time to get your life together God's way. He loves you more than you will ever know so take the time to let him guide you. Then you'll have peace and joy through miraculous events, which is so much better than what you can accomplish by taking charge with your own emotional choices.
If the man that you are engaged to is hurting you (you didn't say how), know that God never expects us to be united unequally, especially in an abusive relationship.
2Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
If your fiance confesses to be a Christian, he needs to seek God until he has the love of God in his heart in which to give to the woman he wants to marry.
It's not love to have a sexual relationship before marriage, it's lust, Satan's imitation of love. Lust is selfish and a lack of decency in ones own character. Also, it's extreme disrespect for someone, that they are supposed to love, when they ask or force them to be degraded to their low standards. Lack of respect leads to hurt and even abuse. Just because you chose to enter into sin with this man is no reason to spend a lifetime of hurt because of your wrong doing. This has not been a godly relationship and unless his desire is to make it one (by putting in his life: first Jesus, worship and learning what's in the Bible) you will only increase the division between the two of you. Examine him, you don't want to make another mistake. Your heart is turning toward Jesus, is his?
Your next step is to spend quiet time with the Lord, in repentance, worship and seeking His mercy and grace. Then you need to discuss this with your parents and pray together for the right direction to go. They love you and want you to be happy the rest of your life. I know it's hard to put a wedding on hold or even cancel it, and the new guy is not even in the picture yet because you have made a promise to someone else. You need to find out what God wants for your life and that takes time. If you slow down and take time in the Word and draw close to Jesus your life will be blessed.
If you are concerned about putting both relationships on hold ask yourself these questions:
1. If I ignored God, over and over when He said, in my spirit, "Stop your activities with this man," Am I really listening to God now?
2. Is this even God bringing me someone else, especially when I have opened up my life for Satanic influences to rule me, through my willful sin?
God will help get us out of trouble but he expects us to learn from our mistakes and take the time to allow the Holy Spirit to teach us so we grow in his wisdom and knowledge.
3. How did I, an engaged person, get so close to another man in a month that he wants to marry me?
You can't possibly know enough about him to be his lifetime partner. You really must slow down, your emotions are running away with you. We aren't to jump every time our emotions or feelings are stirred up. Satan's playground is in people's thoughts, feelings and emotions. It's how he controls them and many Christians even fall prey to his schemes.
2 Corinthians 5:7 We live by faith (everything in the Bible ), not by sight (which is what we see, feel, hear, worldly knowledge etc).
That's why God says to renew our mind with his Word to change our old sinful way of thinking to His way of thinking.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Your request for help is full of confusion and God is not the author of confusion. He gives his children a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1: 7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (KJ)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (NIV)
So now let's sort out what you have written so you can make your own decisions as to why you may have made the mistakes you did.
1. One of the first things you said was, "I tried but I failed."
We all fail at times. We miss God's best for us by not following his word or his leadership. By not allowing our spirit to yield to His Holy Spirit we make ourselves lord over our own lives, instead of Jesus as our Lord. The consequences of our actions are serious. We allow Satan to rob us of many blessings from God, some that we may never have another chance to receive. When we are out of God's boundaries, like Eve when Satan was tempting her, it changes the course of our life.
However, by knowing why we failed will help us to grow strong in the Lord and prepare us for the battles ahead. There are many reasons why a person ignores the voice of God; here are a few.
We Miss God's Voice When We Are Ignorant Of The Word
God doesn't change! We are the one to change and learn his ways,. That change not only puts us in tune with him so we can hear his voice but it strengthens us to do what he says. When we change our thinking through the Word it allows the Holy Spirit to teach us God's way of living and doing right.
2Timothy 2:15 "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
When we yield to what the Word tells us, it gives us a standard to live by and reveals to us our inner most being. Then we can make the corrections needed to please God.
We Miss God's Voice when we love someone or something more than we love God
Love is active; the word love is just an empty word unless the person saying it makes an effort to back it up with the proper actions. Many times God has written in his Word how we should conduct our love toward him and actions are involved. Here is just a few of those scriptures.
Luke 10:27 ...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind ; and, Love your neighbor as yourself. Also in: Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:30
2John 1:6a And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.
1John 2:5 But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him:
When loving people, obedience to God's word has to come first above the human senses. God gave us feelings and emotions. Passion is just one of them. He expects us to use it properly to obtain his approval and bring his greatness and joy into our lives.
Our soul is made up of our mind (our thoughts), our emotions (feelings) and our will (actions & speech) and Satan wants to posses our soul. He works continually pushing us to live and act his way to rob us of all God has to offer. All of our thoughts should be ruled by these biblical categories in order to please God and protect us from falling into sin.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.
Keeping your mind centered on the things of God keeps us pleasing in his sight and allows the Spirit of the Lord to protect us from all the attacks of Satan.
2. The second most important thing you said was, "I was not able to control myself."
Self control is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Satan never stops trying to rob us of God's fruit of the Spirit by influencing our sinful nature, which we are all born with since Adam sinned, Self-control, along with the other eight fruits of the spirit, are given to us when we are saved (born again through repentance). Although the fruits are small, we now are children of God and have the ability to use the fruit of the spirit in our daily lives. As we practice using godly fruit, they grow in our lives making us strong to over-come all wrong. God's strength is made available to us through our faith in the power of Christ Jesus. He paid the price for us to defeat Satan when he defeated him on the cross.
Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree."
The death and the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ covered all that Satan could ever possibly do to a human being, that we, through that same power could live free from the curse. (The curse is in Deuteronomy 27 and 28)
The Word is our strength that puts all sin, sickness, poverty etc. to flight. We just need to learn how to use that power for the glory and honor of God, who gave us Jesus to be Lord over our lives. We must learn what belongs to us in God's Word. If we don't know what's available to us how can we use it to better our lives?
1 Corinthians 4:20 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power.
When we act our and speak scripture over our circumstance we are using God's power through us.
Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,
God will not push his ways on us like Satan does. He expects us to seek him, learn his word, then step out in faith and obedience. Then because his Holy Spirit within us is stirred up, he comes to our rescue with help, strength and power to do the right thing. When we show faith by our speech and our actions he is there ready to help us in our time of weakness. Faith, using the word in accordance with the situation we're in, binds the Lord to the promises he made to us through our salvation package.
We Really Miss God's Voice when we Are Rebellious Toward His Will For Our Lives
When we don't fear (reverence) God or the Bible enough that the Word makes us choose godly choices instead of the choices our sinful nature desires. I don't believe this was your intent.
Paul explained it best for all of us who are trying to please God but sometimes loose the battle to worldly ways. He explains how sin is always trying to over power our flesh when our spirit, which is now alive in Christ, would like to please God in righteousness. This is the Amplified Version for better understanding.
Romans 7:14-25
We know that the Law is spiritual; but I am a creature of the flesh [carnal, unspiritual], having been sold into slavery under [the control of] sin.
For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice or accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe which my moral instinct condemns].
Now if I do [habitually] what is contrary to my desire, [that means that] I acknowledge and agree that the Law is good (morally excellent) and that I take sides with it.
However, it is no longer I who do the deed, but the sin [principle] which is at home in me and has possession of me.
For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]
For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing.
Now if I do what I do not desire to do, it is no longer I doing it [it is not myself that acts], but the sin [principle] which dwells within me [fixed and operating in my soul].
So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to its insistent demands.
For I endorse and delight in the Law of God in my inmost self [with my new nature].
But I discern in my bodily members [in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh] a different law (rule of action) at war against the law of my mind (my reason) and making me a prisoner to the law of sin that dwells in my bodily organs [in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh].
O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death?
O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord! So then indeed I, of myself with the mind and heart, serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
Now spend quality time in God's presence. Fall in love with Jesus all over again and seek him for who he is and not for what he can do for you. Don't seek another person to make you happy. Only God knows the future and who on this earth will bring you happiness. Joy and blessings come from truly making Jesus the Lord of your life. A great relationship with Jesus causes God to send you the perfect mate. He's concerned about you and wants the best for you. It all happens when a relationship with Jesus is overflowing.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
When a person is really sent by God, he will be there waiting for you after you hear from the Lord, no matter how long it takes. Seeking God's favor could take weeks or even months. So be sure your answer is from God. How will know? Because the answers God gives are always miraculous, wonderfully right and most of all it true to the Word. If this man really is from God he will want you to press in close to the Lord and receive His blessing. Successful godly people wait upon the Lord.
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
You may want to read these articles:
Lust, What Does God Say About It?
Self Control Scriptures To Meditate Upon
The Fruit Of The Spirit
The Armor of God
What Is Faith?
How To Solve Problems Using God's Power
- Includes:
- Love That Builds Great Relationships
- How Do We Get God's Love Working Through Other People?
- Building A Foundation Strong Enough To Help Others
Love's Answer - Articles, Products and Advice, help for Christian living.
